All I Want Is...

"I'd like a dry martini, Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dust-bowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini." -- 'Hawkeye' Pierce

Sometimes it is just so hard to get what you want.  From a service perspective, I would argue that sometimes it is even more difficult to understand what you're asking for.

There are so many bastardized permutations of traditionally great culinary items that it has become difficult to plainly identify what something actually is.  Go to different places and ask for a martini, gimlet, cappuccino, espresso, or even a Caesar salad and see how many different iterations you experience.

Now, there is a difference between interpretive license and the ability to have something represented the correct way.  I would wholly support someone claiming their creation as an individual take on a classic concept.  But the language that is used to describe the original intention has become so hazed that the various misunderstandings of truly great concepts have become standard.

Fortunately, there is a definite gravitation towards reclaiming the classics, whether it be the new wave of espresso culture or the revival of classic cocktails.  Rebounding to generations before the classics got diluted and forgotten, bitters are not just Angostura anymore and there are flavours in coffee that are not artificially added.

Wanting something a certain way is by no means a sin either.  A gentleman who once frequented a restaurant I worked at would always carry a card in his wallet with his exact specifications for a martini the way he wanted it.  I admired that he backed his strong preferences by clearly and distinctly expressing exactly what he wanted.  He probably was also influenced to take such measures after struggling to receive a decent martini.

Nowadays, ordering a drink is like the phone game.  Because of the loose interpretation of a martini, there are a plethora of addenda that need to travel from the guests to the server to the computer to the bartender.  The progression of which also happens amid normal restaurant chaos.  You are probably lucky if a half clear, alcoholic beverage makes it to the table.

Another regular customer once asked for a certain gin in his martini.  He wanted no vermouth and he wanted it extra cold.  If we could not accomplish this then he would get something completely different.  Easy, right?  I preceded to knock the bartender out of the way and concoct the drink myself to ensure precise accuracy.  Running the bartender over again while rushing back to the table with the immaculate martini, I placed it down with a smile and walked away.  Inevitably, the diner waved me over two minutes later to refuse his drink, challenging me to make it right this time, if I dare.

I passed the test when I remade his drink the same way.  I had a feeling that although his taste buds were sharp, there was also a level of distrust that flavoured the drink.  The fact is that the more time a drink spends out in creation, the more ways there are to prefer it.  These variations result in obscuring the original and, furthermore, create a new and vague language that allows for unedited interpretive license. 

The most common example that I ran into at bars and restaurants is the order for a dry martini with no vermouth.  Actually, that is not a martini at all.  But it is not semantics that I am concerned with.  Instead, another way to get the same thing ordering a liquor "up," producing a chilled spirit in a martini glass.  The difference between the two is the later will be served the precise way that person wants every time.

My mission is to try to spread understanding about what it means to be a martini or a cappuccino or a manhattan.  I am not trying to say that modern interpretations are inherently better or worse.  Rather, a greater understanding of the original allows for preferences to be expressed clearly.  In other words, I would be happy to butcher a martini, but show me that you know how it is supposed to be cut.